Speculative History

         Growing up, it was always the easiest way to annoy any adult with a “what if” question simply for the hypothetical nature the question ensues, with no definite answer.

         “Mom, what if the sun was green?”

         “Be quiet, Erin. That’s not the way it is so it doesn’t matter.”

         These what-if questions can be intriguing and can allow your mind to run to its deepest depths of speculative thought. This has started to occur in my train of thought during our studies of Native Americans and how US settlers stripped them of their land and culture. So here’s my “what if” question: What if the Indians had won the west?

         Literally, we could come up with a million different scenarios as to the way things would be. I’ll offer my first scenario that came to mind.

         So the Native Americans win the “Battle of Greasy Grass” (because that’s the battle’s Native name) and we are now a country with Native Americans beginning to take charge. Slowly but surely, whites are taken out of their once “civilized” homes and schools and are brought out into the great nature with the Natives. Whites aren’t allowed to get hair cuts, can’t use advanced weaponry to hunt, and have to learn the Native tongue. White parents may not actually have the choice if their children go to learn how to be a Native, but the Native Americans think its best for whites to start assimilating to their dominate culture.

         After many years, the whites have finally caught on and learn to live off the land and the natural resources. Things are pretty ok and even though the whites didn’t want to do it, they sort of found a way to survive like the Natives.

         Oh.. World War II? Is that you, Hitler? SCHEISSE!! WIR WERDEN ANGEGRIFFEN!! ICH HASSE DIE DEUTSCHEN!! This is us proclaiming in German, “SHIT!! WE’RE BEING ATTACKED!! I HATE THE GERMANS!” after Hitler takes over The United States because we don’t have any advanced weaponry like the Europeans to defend ourselves against Nazi Germany’s attempts to take over the world. We fight our hardest, but the German’s tanks and automatic weaponry are no match for our traditional Native American weaponry.

       Meanwhile, some other really powerful country, probably Canada (because, well hey, this is all speculative, I can say whatever I want happened) defeats Germany with some really smart plan we no longer translate because white people are all still pissed off that we were forced to learn Sioux and now German. We’re like “AHH!! MEIN WEINERSCHNITZEL IST WEG!! “(AHH! MY BREADED VEAL CUTLET IS GONE). We yell a lot of things in German mostly because it is fun for us to yell in German. I don’t need to go any further, but eventually, since the Canadians won World War II, we start saying ridiculous things like “What were you tawlking aboot on Chooseday, eh?”

 

         So this was just a little bit of silly writing, but really does point out something important: If we change one detail that seems pretty irrelevant nowadays to our country’s course, it makes a world of difference and has the power to change basically every single aspect of life from language to foreign affairs. This is totally relevant to think about how the events we are reading about in Native American history shaped what the country, and even the world became.

         Maybe the Germans wouldn’t have taken over The United States (Well…maybe they would have), but if the Native Americans would have won the west and become the dominate culture and group, the country and world’s timeline would completely be reassembled with who knows what falling in between the Massacre at Wounded Knee and today. It’s just fun to think about. Auf Weidersehn!